Search This Blog

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Forgive me father, for I have sinned

Telling the truth is a whole lot like taking a piss. You take a good position, ready yourself and, when sure that the timing is right, fire away. The result? Sweet, heavenly relief – mostly.


So, sometime ago I lied about some "truths" I posted on this blog. It was a little white lie, honestly! I mean, come on...even you have had to lie, right?





Aw, okay, whatever. So now I have to tell the truth (and there's also that little bet between me and ibiluv). This should be as much fun as all confessions are. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.


*I'm not catholic, so please forgive me if I get this wrong.


Muse:    Forgive me father, for I have sinned. My last confession was in...oh hold on...this is my first!


Priest:        May God give you the heart to feel true sorrow for what you're about to confess, my son.


Muse:        When I was younger, I wrestled with our house help.


Priest:        Well, the holy book does frown upon fighting....


Muse:        In our underwear.


Priest:        Good heavens man!


Muse:    She said we had to do it like it was on TV, father. She punched me with her hands and the round heaps on her chest. She fell on me and I liked it. She jumped up and down and I could only stare. Do you know what it feels like, father?


Priest:    Enough already! What else have you done?


Muse:    When I was younger I lied to my dad;

    I did so to stop the swing of his hand;

    Told him I even forgot my sister's name;

    Unfortunately, she wasn't game.


    Have you ever lied, father?


Priest:    Um, well...


Muse:    Never mind. You don't have to answer that.


    Forgive me father, for I have sinned.


Priest:    What, may I ask, have you done again?


Muse:    Nothing, father, this I didn't do,

    Yet, on blogville, did admit to.


    I never did like physics class,

    Never did like the teacher much.

I never liked her bony ass,

Forgive me father, for we're in church.


I did lie though, about liking her,

And how my Willie did salute.

Truth be told, I was an F9er

In physics, chemistry and other sciences. Shoot!


So now father I've purged my soul,

I lied, I failed, and I held her.

But I've just one question that may make me whole...

Have you ever had a boner?



Freaksho said...

this is why they say copywriters are COMPLETELY crazy.
funny as hell.
even if i was wrong.

CaramelD said...

Arrggggggghhh darn it! I was wrong! Again!!!!

Ohhh you are a copywriter? Figures! It all makes sense now! LOL!

By the way? You lied you had amnesia? Did they actually believe you? Wow!

Anywhos I can't vex because the comment you left on my post left me all warm and blushing like :)

PS I'm not even batting an eyelash about the whole househelp thing! That is a TYPICAL Naija story [hehehehe cackle cackle].

Right I'm off to watch a Disney dog! Ciao!

incoherent said...

UGH!!! so i WAS right about the house help.....only it wasnt a male DARN IT!!

u FAILED science?? well there goes our friendship....

Muse said...

@ freaksho: so says the outta-my-mind, wacko-gone-loco copywriter himself.

@ CaramelD: what makes sense? nope, they didn't believe me, and are you saying being sexually harassed by an older girl is a normal Naija gist (i din't complain sha)?

@ incoherent: something about your comment bothers me. i wonder what.

CaramelD said...

Copywriters have a literal universe that only they inhabit! I shall no more before I get beaten up :)

Typical as in househelp stories. Girl to boy or vice versa!

~Sirius~ said...

.....Ha! and She was right!

If I were Freaksho I'd be doing the nipple dance right now, Unfortunately I'm not.

....Any prizes to be won?

ibiluv said...

SO i was i ask
since i wont back down from our bet

what question do you wanna ask the luscious Ibiluv???????

Muse said...

@ibiluv: (with a deep, indulging, i-told-you-so, grin on my face) so, Ibiluv - that is your name, right? My question.

Whereabouts do you work (name, location and all)?

that should be easy...right?

ibiluv said...

i'll spill.........send me an email

i aiint tellling all of blogville(sorry peeps)

for all i know-my boss blogs..*wink*


ha. Nice one. Liar, liar, pants on fire....